Thursday, May 14, 2009

A choice!! What would you do??

Now blame Phoenix for this, but her post on women in the Indian society made me dig out a favourite question of mine, to which I'm to arrive at a good solution. It's based on a practical situation which can/ might/will arise in quite a few lives around us in the future. Some might have already witnessed it. Anyhow without much ado, I present the situation.

The Situation:
Suppose me n my lady, both working, are having quite a decent run at work. Having what folks would call a good life. may be she is doing better than I am. now, I get this career opportunity which is going take me places, a real jump... but it requires me to relocate.

The Question:
Should my lady to tag along with me?? It would mean to have to quit her job (not desirable!!)... or stay apart?? (not desirable n for how long would that work?)...
The only way out it seems is not to make the move (can i really pass on dat jump??).

My Thoughts:
The more I about the more I get convinced that I have to choose between personal life or career at that point... may be, I can only cross the bridge when I come to it.. at this point everything said or suggested would be mere speculation, or....


What is your take on this situation??
Think of the situation from both perspectives (man n woman), and by turning the tables.

Happy Thinking!! Cheerio...

16 comments:

ki said...

Okay, are you married to the lady in question? If you were (hypothetically), then the one whose job paid less could atleast look for a job in the new place.

Dunno, I have YEARS to go yet. :)

Arnab Majumdar said...

Well, I'm not really sure what to do in this situation. I'd be tempted to take up that job... but at the same time, it wouldn't be fair on my part to make the lady quit her job. Also, quitting the job 'coz of her also doesn't seem fair, so there has to be a compromise in this situation. I'd have to see if the job is possible in the current location or not, or if my lady can get a job which has a similar environment/responsibilities/pay as she is doing out here.

This is, of course, a hypothetical situation where everything works as per my benefit :P

state of mind? said...

well i guess talk to the lady and ask her say on it....and u have only two options
1. hang around n look for another opportunity.
2. if she is willing to relocate, u can move first while she can take her time to find a suitable job at the new place..dat requires staying apart for a while....

n last pray hard!!!

J said...

Take the job, find a few vacancies for the lady, ask her to come over check out the place and find a new job.

That is, if it's the lady who is drawing the lesser salary.

Phoenix said...

a cut paste and copy from my reply to your comment on my blog :)

see thats the point...when the call is just ours...it is fine... but when a decision is forced upon us then it goes all bad...

for example...if i am married and working in a great firm and all dat.. and i get pregnant.. would i still continue working or give it all up for a few years? if the choice was just MINE then in all probably i would give it all up to have my kid and then go back someday... but id hate it if people generalize that being a girl i should do what is the norm give it all up and nurture a baby...

as for your question.. if you are are married and have a wife who is willing to travel with you...then great.. but if she is not willing to travel...then you both must sit down and think...if you married you must have done so for wanting to be together... if your work took you away and hers didnt allow her to be with you...hen you both must sit down and decide...its on both of you how you curb your personal ambitions to suit your private life.. and the call is ultimately up to both of you..

i have had cousins... where my cousin and her husband were never together even after 9 years of marriage.. they had no life together at all...he was in USA n she in delhi.. both very much into their careers yet in love.. such arrangements are a bit of a sham if you ask me.. why do you need marriage if you are happy apart? or have planned to stay apart.. if you are that ambitious then you must give up something.. maybe in this case your family life.. sounds backward but its true.. why should marriage come in between career if that is what that is most important.. after all you cant have everything in life..kuch paney kay liye kuch khona padta hai... :)

Dhanya said...

Hmmm... I think you should ask the lady in question of course. Personally, I wouldn't mind leaving my job to relocate to where my hubby is. But more career oriented people might think otherwise!

A more practical and reasonable thing to do would be telling the person with the lesser pay to quit.

Chronicwriter said...

i got to marry now...

if i am in that situation, i'd let her decide.... if she comes with me, she can stay with me.. if she decides to stay back, ill move to my new place and someone else might stay with me...

doesnt matter if vice versa happens :P

might sound like a wanna be answer.. but this is what i'd really do

chriz

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

family life is most important to me. if your job actually helps the finances of the whole family then she should move with you. if hers does then you can just pass the opportunity.

you know.. work towards the greater good ;-)

JyotiAjay said...

i think either one must comprmise between both.marriage and career are the 2 sides of the coin.so one must be ready to quit for his/her happiness.

Little Girl Lost said...

sumit- very very good question... my partner and i had a similar problem recently when he got a brilliant on-site offer. he passed it up. :)
i'm glad you at least asked this question... so many people take their wife's career for granted...

Preeti Shenoy said...

I don't know how others feel about this--but if it meant that the guy I love was happy, i would without a second thought chuck my career and follow him to the end of the world or to siberia too! And i'd do it gladly and willingly :)
Of course I understand many men expect it.That is not fair.
Cheers
preeti

Sumit said...

@all: thanks for your views!! :)
I really appreciate that.

so, from what I gather, ladies should be allowed to make the call (n in most cases they pack up n move)...

sometimes, I wonder if a guy would do the same. I personally am not sure if I would, but I wonder all the same.

Sumit said...

btw, what I have learnt from my dad is when you are single n young build your career, but when you've gotta family its family first!! n having grown with an attitude where no one is allowed to bug my family, may am preprogrammed to make the decision when the time comes and wondering about it all I can do to kill time :P

SGD said...

Sumit....a very very relevant question for our generation. And my husband and I have gone through all that you've written and more...

Both of us, when we decided to take the plunge, wanted to be together (obviously !! every couple wants that!)
Otherwise what's the point of marriage/partnership? We want to SHARE our lives, the ups , the downs and the small joys & hiccups TOGETHER, that's why decide to marry or live together...

The first time, we had no way out...i was pregnant and he had to be away....but on the next ocassion I took a transfer to his location (thank god that was feasible). Then he changed his job as the then current one required a lot of mobility. Till now it's worked more or less...and we've been together only 6 yrs...let's see how we cope in future.

But little compromises and talking over and prioritising as to whose moving/quitting/changing can ensure togetherness, is the bottomline.
And when there's a kid, I believe we brought her/him into this world and she/he has every right to grow up with BOTH the parents....both are equally important for a happy , healthy childhood.

Sumit said...

my thoughts exactly!! but being a bachelor one cannot express the thoughts without apprehension.

am really glad you came around on this post!! valuable input!!

the same goes Preeti. :)

cheers to both of you :)

lydia said...

First of all its not your decision to make yours is only if you want to take the job or have a personal life and neither has a guarantee.so ask her if she would like to come and let the decision be hers and if its meant to be it will be.....but you should not be bitter either if she does not want to move with you as in a life you have to allow the person to be who they are supposed to be.....All the BEST