Getting things in perspective!!

It's been quite some time that I have been away from blogsville. Loads of work, some personal rasks, personal issues stuff which kept me to occupied and high strung to write a simple coherent sentence. Result, I have been staying away from most of the things I loved. Hanging out with friends, playing my guitar, blogging and god knows what not!! Hell... I wasn't even around to read blogs patiently!! And that is something which should be avoided. While being totally lost in my own personal world, staying away from these have brought my mind to a standstill... and as I see it, the same has happened to many. I realise my follies, at this juncture. Hell.... I didn't turn up here to be a ghost blogger!! There are so many things that are pending. Numerous tags, my time at BUF, a request from David.... so many!! And I'm yet to tend to any one of them!! Instead, I'm writing this post!! Why?? May be I'm guilty. Guilty of not following what I preach - "Never let go of what you enjoy!!" I did, and I find things falling apart at seams!! That's not what I like!! Sorry for being away!!

I'm back to blog... So stay tuned... I'll visit you soon.......

Confused Sam Unravelled!!!

A couple of weeks a good blogger friend of mine asked me whether I'd like to be interviewed or not. Apprehensive at first, i finally decided to bit the bait and took it up. It did turn out o be a good experience. And weell.... over to Cuckoo!!

Cuckoo: Good Morning Mr. Confused, err.. Sam. Do you really think you are that confused or are you trying to confuse others by keeping this name for your blog ? What's the confusion ?One more thing I would like to bring to your notice is this adorable creature with me. Oh well, let me introduce my pet Tiger to you.. he always accompanies me and is ever hungry. You know what I mean. Also, you have to remain seated calmly without questioning my questions or no. of questions. There are going to be five main questions with some sub-questions. Treat them as parts a, b, c etc. Please be as detailed as possible, it'll give you some practice for your MBA whenever you plan to do it.

Sam: Hi Cuckoo, Hello Tiger!! It sure is a great pleasure to be interviewed by a lady as charming as you. Hmmm…. Now about the confused part: it’s more about what I used to think I am. Always had two opinions about the same thing and that left me in a tizzy about what to do? However, I am not really sure how I can get others to be confused by this name.

C: So, shall we start?

S: Sure…. We are here to get some answers to some interesting questions (hopefully!! :D)

C: Well, Mr. Sam, You have 4 blogs which are either owned by you or have contributions from you. Why do you think so many blogs are needed ? I understand they all have different purpose but then if that is the reason, you could have some more since you are a multi-facet personality. What do you say ? I can see your main blog is 70 posts old. Tell me what positive changes blogging has brought in you?

S: Please, call me Sam. That’ll be fine with me. To have you call me multi-faceted indeed makes me feel honoured. The need for the different blogs arose perhaps due a streak i9n me which loves to systematically arrange things in their rightful places, and perhaps a thought. If you observe closely, the blog “Thinking Youth” deals with social issues with major contribution from Aashi Joshi, who is quite enthusiastic about it. In fact, I would really love to see some action there, though am lost to how to bring that about. The issues discussed there are quite burning to stay the least and they can be anything.

Coming around to “Live from the Cubicle”, the idea here was to try and chronicle as much as possible about my life as a professional. And not just the daily mundane things, but things at work which do compel me to write. Unfortunately, it hasn’t received the due attention it deserves from me.

“Between Us Friends”, a blogging show which has about 40 bloggers coming together to write on the same topic! What one gets to see is a bonhomie which might be hard to imagine, and myriad way in which the thoughts all merge there. The same topic different opinions, takes, experiences and yet a mature respect for what the other has to say. This is indeed one of the best things I have seen till date.

“Thoughts of a Confused Mind”, my main blog, is the one where I am most at action. I lot about me has been chronicled through the articles, through fact and fiction, through every word that has been written there. It’s my thoughts, feelings, emotions… it’s the world through my eyes. And thus my most treasured blog but then I guess similar fact would be true for every blogger.

How blogging has changed me? Well, the answer to that question is not so clear. Frankly, I changed thus I started blogging like I do now, and then the blogs might’ve changed me. For better or for worse I don’t know. Anywyz, I would be doing a post on that soon. So stay tuned. I would definitely say at least this that now I am more comfortable opening up than before, and frankly least bothered about what the world thinks of me, for through blogging I came to know a lot things about me were perhaps on the right track. Never believed I was a good writer, but now it’s a different story. The credit for bringing about this change, making me take on blogs as a passion, the nudge in the right direction was given to me by Gini. Thanks a lot baby, you gave me a great gift!!

C: Oh that was very good answer. You are behaving well unlike your other friends. But still I feel you should keep your face a little more cheerful. It looks like you have come here for a mourning ? Yeah, that's a little better now. Keep smiling like that. You look good in that pose. Well gentleman, do you believe in virtual friendship ? Aah I know you do. Can it always remain virtual or do you think you need to meet the person at least once in life to give more meaning to it ? Do you think if meeting does not happen then the friendship will erode with time ? Do you have any friend of school years whom you have lost touch with and would want to be with him/her now?

S: Virtual Friendship!! I hate that term!! What is virtual about friendship?? The origin doesn’t define friendship, the quality and purpose does. However, going with the flow I do understand the true import of the phrase, though it’s a misnomer, IMO. I have formed many a bonds through the virtual world. Some have impacted me for a lifetime. The virtual world gave me my most treasured friend, Gini. An angel, you’d be lucky to come across, and to give it a meaning we needn’t meet!! We just needed to understand each other. Meeting up is just a natural consequence of the bond that one shared. When the level of attachment is great, mere voice contact or typed words don’t help. The physical presence is a must. You can never replace it. And if friendship is supposed to erode without meeting I one of my closest pals wouldn’t have been touch with till date. We parted in ’97 with his Dad getting transferred and then met during the winters of ’05. Between us nothing had changed. There are a few more examples, but then it would become a long answer, wouldn’t it?? As for a friend from school years whom I’d like to meet now, after having lost touch… well…. there are none. All those whom I cherish are with me a phone call away. But I guess there’ll always be some whom you have to let go. It’s hard but you have to. Sometimes, Life is not fair!!

C: NO NO.. don't move. I understand it's quite hot in there sitting on that boiling pot. It is a matter of a few minutes if you co-operate nicely. See, how you started smiling. Yeah, that's the way. Sam, you've written quite soulful poetries and you do have a feminist heart. Are they result of your experiences in life ? Can you please explain that to us ? Why always (well, most of the times) you write about pain, why not happiness?

S: It is true that my poems are a reflection of my experiences. But not entirely!! It is also bred by what I observe, for I do like observing people. There have been times when I have described someone else’s state of mind. Now, don’t ask me to identify them for that would be unfair to all. Enjoy the work of creation while the fingers can jot down what the heart wants to say, whisper or shout. And the reason why one finds a consistent note of pain and sadness in my work it’s probably because of what I have observed and experienced. If you observe closely, everybody says I’m fine. But then are they really fine?? I’ll bet you every penny I have that they are not. There is sadness inside them that they want to forget, hide, banish! Why?? IMO, that action kills us slowly but surely. It is the primary cause of stress induced illness today. Heart ailments, skin diseases, baldness etc., all these ailments are getting younger victims. And why?? Face it. Don’t just banish it, because it has to be banished, you can never do that. But you can live with it, deal with it and still live happily. So when you read my poems, the submerged sadness/pain in you rises to the surface, stuff you thought had gone from your life, they come back. And that’s when you learn to fight back, to control and realize it’ll stay but you can still learn to be happy!!

You say I’m feminist, yet trust me I loathe that term. No, I am not. I call a spade a spade. If something is unfair it is unfair. You have observed me writing in a manner which might want to describe a lady’s frame of mind or the atrocities committed against them. But, the opposite is also true. You do have men out there, who have been tormented by the fairer sex. They have faced ordeals plotted by some lady just to forward her own interests. They’ve been victim of mistakes committed by some lady. They say men are dogs yet when it comes to the matter of the heart, I see more heartbroken men. The ladies have moved on, but the men are still in a time warp where their lady love left them. On investigation, I found that guys to be innocent or under pardonable circumstances. Ma’am, I am not a feminist. I only uphold the unjustness of a situation and scream for justice, men or women, all to be treated on equal moral grounds, for the Devil’s workshop can be anybody’s mind. It doesn’t choose it’s victim by their chromosome combination.

C: No, you can not remove that T-shirt even if you are feeling hot and again telling you.. remain seated quietly. Don't try to show off your biceps/triceps to me. It won't work. My pet tiger is curiously looking at you and he has just had a bucketful of Vodka. He now wants to taste some non-veg. So, before he gets into some action tell us about your first crush. How old were you and what happened initially & subsequently? Are you still in touch ? And what kind of qualities are you looking for in your life partner?

S: My first crush was a girl called Rajshree Sisodia. I was about 8 years old. St. Peters School, Jaipur, class 3!! And well, nothing much happened. Just remember liking her a lot. About the same time another girl Richa Mathur around. Now at times I’m confused as to who came first, can’t really remember that. But then both were great pals of mine. Lost touch with them the year after as we moved to Kolkata. And my life partner, hmmm…. Check out this link: “I’ve finally found someone”!!

C: There, that wasn't so bad now, was it? And, it was quite fast also, we have already reached the fifth question and looks like I haven't asked any !!First tell us about your some of the hobbies like reading, writing, guitar, salsa etc. how much time & effort are you able to give them ? And I am not going to leave you like this unless you tell me why you opted to be interviewed? You were a bit shy but you wanted to go for it. Hai na ? We all need a good detailed answer with why not & why yes. Attempt all the four parts of this.
a) Was it sheer habit of getting interviewed ?

b) You had nothing to post about ?

c) You wanted to find more about yourself ?

d) You wanted to have my mail-id ?

Hey, come on, spill the beans now. See, all your friends are chuckling there.
Note:- If they harass you, send them to me to be interviewed.

S: Well, it surely was fast and I’m regretting that the interview is coming to a close now. But then, the show must go on.

So, my hobbies!! Now, what to I tell you about them? I sneak out time for everything and everyone. And at different times they offer me solace. But frankly, it is music and dance which can entrap me in any mood. But, if I write it has too under severe stress, the ones which actually receive adulation from many. The rest are normal stuff, the ones which may not have much of my heart in it.

And well, I agreed to the interview because I really wanted to find out how much grilling can you really be. To top it, I've never been interviewed, not yet a high profile character. In the end, I must say that you've just scratched the surface. And I never really thought of getting hold of your mail-id. Now that I have that, may be I’ll go for more. I hope you can take that in your stride!! What say lady? Wanna dance?? I promise to be good!! ;)

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Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and may offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

A day to change it all!!

The streetlights were not too bright. They never really were, but then somehow he found it to be too dim today or was it his eyes? He looked straight down the street. It was a long walk ahead. Nothing to take him to the end of the street! He had to take the walk alone. And on such a dark and stormy night it seemed to be an ominous task. But somehow, the thought of taking this walk seemed to fill him with a dread and he wanted to go back to the brightly lit thoroughfare which had people milling around in a world of their own. Somehow the very thought of going back seemed to offer him comfort and the security that he sought. But then can he go back? Was going back really safe?

As he thought back to the events of that night and how they unfolded, he couldn’t help but smile. A smile that seemed to mock the sudden turn his life has taken. A happy and content man, he was now on run, from the cops, from the hideous men of the streets, from the world in general. A man, who was as clean as they come, was now a murderer, a drug trafficker, a scorned lover – an outlaw!! It all started with a phone call. She was on the other and very calmly, as if she had thought it all over, told him that there were things she couldn’t deal with and had to part from him. Hearing her say so he felt as if his world had dissolved and moving far away from him, as if he was falling into a deep abyss which kept getting darker and darker. And then he could fall no more and darkness descended on him. He had passed out. As he came into his own he realized that a crowd had formed around him and that somehow his phone has gone missing.

As he walked down the streets mulling over what to do and sipped over the takeaway coffee, he was suddenly aware of a feeling of being stared at. He glanced around. No one!! He chuckled to himself. Obviously, his love walking from him has left him in a bewildered state. It was then that he saw the news on TV. In a major drug heist today, the police have gunned down one man. The bulk of drug however was taken away by another fellow, who also happened to have shot dead one of the cops. He had left behind a mobile phone. The extracted details did reveal the identity of the person. He stared into the screen as the news flashed. It was his face and name on the screen. The past one hour has done major damage now!! His mind went into an overdrive. He contemplated all possible lash backs that could happen. He had to reach the cops. But how will he prove his innocence? Till he heard gunfire……. And since then he has been on the run. Been chased by cops, taken in, beaten up, escaped, he has done it all. He’s now running for his life. But will he make it?? To make it he had to walk this street. Yet, the unknown squeezed his heart hard enough to make him think twice. Will he go ahead???

Moments in despair

Lonely nights wrapped in a shroud of darkness,

A sinking feeling making the dread rise,

Suffocated with despair felt in a strangeness,

Unknown sensations cloud the thoughts,

Wandering through a myriad of emotions,

Staring into the void full of doubts,

Shaken to the core unsure of the self,

Tears streaking being so helpless,

Frustrated at the sheer mockery,

Cheated by the one who was close,

Hurt by the emotions cherished the most,

Tossed aside by the dearest person,

Broken hearted and shaken to the core,

On those steps sat a lover found only in folk lore.

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But then reality is stranger than fiction!!

Trapped...... sheesh!!

Before you even start thinking what this would eb about let me warn you before hand, it would be about... tchah!! forget it... read it and find it our yourself!!

Here goes.... I few weeks back, it turns out that to improve connectivity to certain vendor sites specific to our project account, the network guys decided to switch off the net connection. Fine.. fair enuf. Situation never really improved after that. Ergo, please do restore the net connection. may be they don't have a life on the net, but they are folks like me who do... Blogging.. read or write is similar to oxygen for me. The only time I can do without it is on weekends, that is more due tha fact that I cannot access net during those days, else trust me you'd have seen more posts from me. So there I was nestled in my chair and wondering when would I get something constructive to do. I mean, how long do you expect to be sitting idle doing nothing when your mind is racing with god knows how many ideas!!

This surely was the last straw. I mean, like they had blocked quite a few websites, and now this?? What do they want?? That people to stark mad, after 8 hours of coding everyday??? I feel so trapped. Totally!!!!