Road to heaven??

Road to heaven??, originally uploaded by ConfusedSam.

With a future unknown, the traveller moves on hoping to have a better picture at hand at the next stop. The path seems to be clear till the top of the hill, but the road beyond is still unknown. And... and the clouds loom large upon the horizon. What secrets they hold the traveller shall never know. Despite the fear in his heart, his destiny is to keep moving towards what he perceives to be his goal. The truth is yet to unfold with miles to go before it unveils. Such a juncture may not have been foretold save only by the wisest of mankind, for the common man lives a life in predictability. Its the unknown adventure which scares him. The beaten track is what throws him off guard. Perhaps he should have taken the road less travelled. Should he change now? Should he finally search the road to his heaven? Should he?

Do you know him?

staring into the world outside, I wonder, originally uploaded by ConfusedSam.

The safe confines no longer exist, nor do the safe passage that infused a sense of security in him. Looking back perhaps they never did, just a faint glimmer of them as if a mirage. Yet these castles in air, if one may call them so, allowed him to dream, to hope, to live perhaps. A journey through various landscapes, with different people, through punishment n redemption, through love n hate has brought him far. The boundaries of his world n the real world are fading into oblivion. Standing amongst people rushing to their business, a strange calm envelopes through closed eyes carrying him to a different world... a familiar one. Noise, dust, honks, street hawkers, street urchins, oppressive heat - its all so familiar. As he drifts through this world, he sees a mother seeing off her child at school, a father buying his kid's favourite toy, gets a whiff of the spices and trails of music floating down the corridor. He hears the soft lashes of the river against the boat as the boatman pulls at the oars with the sun setting over the horizon and the cantilever giant being coloured in the hues of the sunset sky. A vibration breaks the reverie. Its quiet again around him. The cars move silently, people talk softly, the air is 'cleaner', the life is 'good'. He sighs at the state of affairs, Looks upwards, higher still till he sees the sky and then walks through those glass doors. He sold everything... everything to be trapped in the cage of steel, concrete and glass.

Meet the man who sold his world.

Do you know him?

London Eye

London Eye, originally uploaded by ConfusedSam.

In the chequered landscape of London, with the happening of the past weighing down heavily on everyone, with the UK economy having started to recover, the future seems unpredictable. All well laid plans have gone astray, chances once seemingly correct seemed to have been wronged, the wisest have erred, the mavericks have calmed, the teacher has become a student, the student no longer carefree, a dull calm envelopes the mind, the devil runs free in the thoughts... it seems everyone is still staring... into the eye.. the eye of a storm.

A choice!! What would you do??

Now blame Phoenix for this, but her post on women in the Indian society made me dig out a favourite question of mine, to which I'm to arrive at a good solution. It's based on a practical situation which can/ might/will arise in quite a few lives around us in the future. Some might have already witnessed it. Anyhow without much ado, I present the situation.

The Situation:
Suppose me n my lady, both working, are having quite a decent run at work. Having what folks would call a good life. may be she is doing better than I am. now, I get this career opportunity which is going take me places, a real jump... but it requires me to relocate.

The Question:
Should my lady to tag along with me?? It would mean to have to quit her job (not desirable!!)... or stay apart?? (not desirable n for how long would that work?)...
The only way out it seems is not to make the move (can i really pass on dat jump??).

My Thoughts:
The more I about the more I get convinced that I have to choose between personal life or career at that point... may be, I can only cross the bridge when I come to it.. at this point everything said or suggested would be mere speculation, or....


What is your take on this situation??
Think of the situation from both perspectives (man n woman), and by turning the tables.

Happy Thinking!! Cheerio...

Meanderings

Honestly, am feeling a bit rusty out here now. I dare say I haven't blogged in ages. I wouldn't count the odd posts here n there, which turned up towards the end of last year. I really was not in my elements, as those who have been around for sometime might concur. In fact, what amazes me is that when I sit right here to type out something, words seem to dry up. Not that, I really had much of a substance to write about to begin with. It was an overwhelming desire to actually write something in my once favourite corner. I seem to prefer the confines of my academic notes to proceed on all adventures of the pen. But then, I suppose the symptoms had set in much earlier, as one got embroiled in a mad frenzy to take the career to the next step. To take a jump into the relative unknown to find that career which might make me stop and say: "This is what I always wanted to do."

When at a business school, everyone expects you to know where you expect yourself to head out to once you are done. Incidentally, it is one of the essays you have to type out while filling out the application form. I suppose, I did a good job at that, else I wouldn't be here now, would I? But, deep down I know, I bluffed!! I bluffed in that essay, in the interview, everyone I know. After having some conversations with me, Dad thinks I want to move into finance, my uncle thinks I would be moving into advertising or marketing, and maybe I understand brand management more than I do. I wouldn't know. I have learnt to bluff, so much so that, if they think I know that, I don't really know if their assumption is correct or not. All that I've gathered is that folks think, I have it all figured out. Problem is, I still don't know where to start. More than a quarter of a century old, and am still searching for the right job???

It's Time!!

Well... Well... Well...

It's been a mighty long time since the Mumbai seige. Though it seems life has returned to normal, but deep withing I guess the hurt and anger is just waiting to surge to the surface and consume the individual, setting alight an environment of mistrust, discord and disharmony. Not exactly what one had in mind I presume!!


Despite all this one has seen candle light vigils across the globe, some went for the "free hug camapaign" with the motto of propagating a message of peace and brotherhood. Wonderful gestures all of them!! That's right gestures!! The benefits of such gestures are intangible. You can never see them the instant they happen, they take time to manifest themselves. However, tangible benefits are required too and one really cannot shy away from the fact. There are ways to go about it. The first would be to use part of your salary to support someone who needs it but has no means to it,e.g. support a child's education. All you need to do is not buy that extra pair of shoe/dress/pants/shirt that month. A thousand a month (INR) is affordable and one could sponsor a child's education with that in India. Can spare more? Don't worry the NGOs can guide you to other avenues as well. But does the buck stop there? Surely not!!


Paying for a child's education is not the end of the cycle. It's the beginning! The next step would be get involved. Trust me, it can change your world, make you look at things from a different perspective altogether. Got some old clothes which can still be worn by someone? Donate them. There are many out there who could use them. A few years ago, my uncle and aunt celebrated the first birthday of their daughter with people from an old age home (they have been actively involved with it for years now). It was a proper party with songs, cakes and a feast. The smile on the faces of those people etched a memory that would be hard to erase till I breathe, and may spawn me into spurts of activities every now and then to give back. Sometimes, it is worth giving without receiving!! :)


Step up!! Unless you start giving back to the society you live in, you cannot spawn a better place to live in. Cities would be laid siege with people who are disgruntled and probably never got the kindness and love that you have taken for granted!! Even corporate houses realise that today, resulting in a concept known as Corporate Social Responsibility.


It's time you did something instead of waiting for something to happen!!!

What have you done lately??

Hey there...
It's been an awfully long time since I wrote something substantial out here. Was wondering of late, about how I have spent a quarter of a century and realised something. It was a life, I didn't wanna talk about. Surprised?? Thinking?? Allow me to explain (seems to be my favorite phrase at times!! :D)

As I was saying, my life is something I would rather not talk about - to probably the future generations. Wondering why? Simple, because it has been predictable. It's a life everyone has. You study, you clear your exams, you move on to college, get that degree, move ahead... get a job, or may be study a lil more... meanwhile sneak in some regular fun... that's the well-trodden path!! Meanwhile, there would traces of love in your life... you fall for someone, sometimes its good, sometimes you can't wait to get out of it... and then you finally, fall hook, line and sinker.... may be it's eventful for some... but again, nothing out of the ordinary in the grand scheme of things. Nothing crazy, nothing exceptional... nothing worth more than a passing mention (another of the have lived!!) So, what is it about my life that I would really talk about as of today??

I don't know... am wondering!! May be I'll follow that up later....

Can you tell me what you would talk about??

Nomadic Experience!!

Again one of my meanderings so, you may hit that small red cross at the top right hand corner of the window or navigate to another page from here (The links are on the right hand side!!).

A recent chat with a friend left me wondering about long lasting roots. Most of the times in due course of travel, I have come across people who know each other for more than a decade, grown up together and shared a whole lot of memories. When I looked back at my life over the past 2 decades and more, I realised, somehow I never had privilege(?). For me it was always about shifting from one city to another, never really forming a long-lasting friendship and yet having some really wonderful friends. In fact, have had some very loyal ones. Lucky me?? I dunno. Have had the opposite sorts to - the back stabbers, but then that's a part of life. The point I'm trying to drive home is that after having a Nomadic experience all through your life would it really be possible to settle down at one place for a person? As life unfolds itself, we come to realise that we have far greater responsibilities on us than we had imagined or wanted (maybe!!). And that's when you realise you need to have a base, a place to return to everyday but then for how long would the person stick to that same routine. When I subject myself to observation, it turns out the moment a situation becomes a routine for me I no longer enjoy it and sooner or later I start getting restless for a change. Extremely restless!!!

The nomads of Sahara, roam about in the desert in search of food and water. Now, even if they have the option of settling down in the cities, most choose to roam the desert. The heart of a Nomad they say cannot settle down in a place. It needs to roam.. always. Does that apply to the modern day nomads like us?? If it does then in what sphere does it do so?? Is it limited to our physical surroundings?? Or does it extend to the people we know too?? Alright, may be the last one is not true. But then, maybe that's my take!! Who knows!!!

At times, I wonder on what I had missed out in this form of existence. May be a lot!! And what have I gained?? I guess, A lot!!! At least, I've learned to trust people despite all odds and yet manage to look out for myself, to gel in to the crows as if I was one of them, to easily distance myself despite the attachment and most importantly, to appreciate people and culture for their differences and believing even the darkest of clouds have a silver lining!!!

A life to be called one's own??

Dear Diary,

I've been going through all the entries over here and really makes me wonder that despite our different nature we all are so very similar to our core. At each and every step in the past two and a half decade a little bit of our innocence has been taken away, a price to be paid for growing up... oh should you wonder, let me enlighten you do not have an option unless fate has decided to slam you cruelly.

But then at times the mind wanders into the domain and really feels that the ones who never really grew up, mentally retarded, the special ones..... as someone said long ago, God's own, are perhaps the happiest. They do not go through the feelings of helplessness, betrayal, dashed hopes, pain, sorrow..... or may be they do but then just how much of a shadow can a sliver of cloud cast on a sunny morning.

I digress.... or did I?? Rambling along as I was I guess i can never digress. In fact, may be this is the path I was supposed to take. Struggling, pushing, shoving my way through to reach my goal. I haven't the faintest bit of idea what my ultimate goal is. It's just that, I'm never satisfied with what I'm doing. In that case, what is it that I'm meant to do?? I don't think I have the faintest clue.

Honestly, what is it that I seek??

What is it that everyone who has scribbled in your heart seek??

A corner to call ones own??

A moment to cherish for the self??

The satisfaction of a job well done??

Someone to hold on to at the end of a tiring day??

A moment to scream out and vent all the frustration that is pent up inside the heart, mind, body and soul??

A life to be called one's own??

What is it??

I think I'll put the pen to rest now.... I need to sleep... my eyes are hurting!!!

Adios

Confused Sam!!

A Confused Existence

A few summers ago, when I was still a teenager... an age when people expect you to be terribly confused. Strangely, I never was!! I knew what I wanted, why I wanted, what were my backups and how to go about it too. I wasn't a confused chap at all. A little more than half a decade after school, I retract my statement - I am confused. I'm in my twenties and while I do have a decent career and other stuff in my life in proper place, I'm strangely restless. As per Maslow's hierarchy principle, I am approaching the top of the pyramid. Suddenly, I'm unsure of the future. The unpredictability in the entire situation is getting to my nerves. This forced my look around at other individuals who are in the same age bracket as that of me. And strangely enough, I realise I ain't alone. To a greater or lesser extent we all are going through the same psychological pressures. The unpredictability of the future on a professional and personal note is driving most up the wall.

The lessons learnt aren't too different either. You realise that people around you are selfish and mean, would do anything to forward their own gains. The close friends aren't really the great individuals you pictured them to be, rather they had an interest in being with you and that sure did/does more harm to you than good. Your job isn't what you had in mind when you started. You want something better, but don't know when or how you'd land there. May be you want a change but that means starting at the bottom of the ladder. Used to the comforts your current pay packet gifts you, this change certainly doesn't appeal to you. Suddenly, you feel lonely.... very lonely.

And when it comes to the matters of the heart... confusion reigns supreme!! If you observe, either of the scenes are being enacted around you: a broken heart, waiting to come across that special one, in love with two at a time and lost on that, uncertainty over the future of a relationship. Am I wrong?? And then comes along the new twist, you want to settle down. Commitment rules topmost on your mind then, each and every action of yours is directed the very same direction. Loans, money, a future together, getting a good life... all this rules your mind.

They said twenties are the best times of our lives and you'd tend to say otherwise. I'd say, its the twenties which make an adult out of a child.This post may seem confused to you, but the fact is I too am going through most the situations mentioned above... and that is gnawing me up. A trifle too much!!

PS: In case, if one wants to read up on Maslow and his principle check out the following sites: "Motivation Theories: Individual Needs" and "A Theory of Human Motivation". You can read up on Abraham Maslow over here: "ABRAHAM MASLOW
1908-1970
Dr. C. George Boeree"

Apart from that, you can google. You'll find loads on him and his theories. For students of psychology and management, his principle should be the easiest to state off hand.

Law of the Garbage Truck

This came in the morning mail and I just decided that I would share it....

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood?

Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what's important. David J. Pollay explains his story in this way....

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City
taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean...he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally..You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did."

I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Never let the garbage truck run over you....

Lost!!!

Nothing much to post about to be honest but then the bug at times bites real hard and despite the want of ideas even before you realise your fingers are flying away on the ketboard and well.. you are writing a post. So lemme see what have I been upto really.... I've been trying to ease upa little.. it seems i'm strung real high and get irritated at the drop of a hat; Been tryingt o write a story... and before I was through with that I end up with another idea..a dnw ell now I' have two stories developing in a parallel track... i just they don't merge to create a catastrophic work of fiction!! Phew!! apart from that.. well mum is in town.. which means I'm being real good boy nowadays. And well... am having a tooth extraction, wisdom tooth... coz the brat is bugging the otgher functional ones and can cause serious damage to them. So, that means after tonight I'll be off solid food for about 48 hours. Darn painful thought I tell you.... and there I have a friend who calls up shrieks, "You are having a dental abortion?? Cool!! When is it going to be?? Do ensure you eat to hearts content before you go for that!!". And there I was trying to keep a straight face and not grimace back. Though it wouldn't have mattered much, 'coz she was over the phone but then...

Apart from all this I have been wondering at the amount of time we all spend at work. I mean, most of us end up doing so at the cost of our personal lives. In the professional world we are replaceable, but not in our personal lives. We go to work come back home and still think about something or the other pertaining to work. At times, I get the feeling that we've sold our soul to a devil called profession, which is engulfing all our senses leaving us as nothing but money earning machines. I mean, what on earth are we getting from working our asses off??? A sick body, a fatigues mind??? Philosophically speaking it's not really worth it. And yet, in world that we live in "You need money honey!!". perfect catch 22 situation if ever there was one!! I feel like breaking away from this routine ridden, mundane life of mine and doing the things that I like the most and yet they all cost something... there are no free lunches after all. So, to pursue the things I like, I have to work so that I can really chuck everything and simply sit back adn relax one fine day. But, will I be energetic enough for that then???

At times I feel we are lost. We are ignoring our heart's calling in doing what the "world" supposedly deems fit, defines as success. In a quest to build a beautiful and secure future are we not missing out on a splendid today?? Are we not lost???

Call of the wild!!

No!! This is not about a trip to the wild jungles and stuff like that. This is about what's there and what we are going to loose, what our future generations may never see. A couple of weeks ago I saw this report on NDTV (I guess) where they were talking of the diminishing number of Tigers and Gharials. While the number of Tigers have gone down, its the Gharials who are really the matter of concern. With an alarming death of more than 100 at the Chambal Sanctuary in the past couple of months for reasons unknown, the Gharial is now one of teh critically endangered species. I've been trying to dig up more on them, but its a painstaking work, what with our daily obligations in place. Anywyz, amidst all this I came across one such enthusiast, Apoorva Joshi, who has actually gone out there and is trying to do something about this. Please go through her blog: the wilderness n its wild kid.

Now after all this talk, I'd like some inputs from you as to how we can contribute to such issues. We can write, yes!! But apart from that, what?? Speak out, I don't care how absurd your ideas are, how naive, impossible illogical they are. Provide information if you have any. And if you are already involved do tell us about it. Every thought that you'd share counts. It's because of us that they are in the condition that they are!!!

This is not about us, it's about the environment that we live in. It's about the ecological balance. It's about what we pass on to future generations. Please, let's do something about it.

Something to ponder about!!!

Spetember 2005, I had started my professional journey. I was wary of the jungle that awaited me. Though I'd be cocooned for about 6 months due to training, it won't last forever would it?? In those impressionable times, I came across someone, who became my idol in little or no time. Some casual conversations and other interactions made me revere this person like I had never done before. Was able to observe him for a few months more before he moved on.

Today while going through my mail archives, I chanced upon his parting mail and it made me think. I'll qoute his words for you:

"A person goes through many associations in his/her professional life. Most of these associations are meant to be and treated as temporary; some are proven to be significant and cared for, for a much longer duration than the preceding category. A few, however, stay on for ever in the cosiest corner of one's heart. With passage of time, one's fondness for these only increases.

My association with ****** falls in this last category and now that I am disengaging myself from the organisation for the second time, I know that I am going to yearn for this assocation's continuation in my life. To tell you the truth, I value this as much as I value some of my very personal associations.

At such time of parting, people write mails to their erstwhile colleagues and friends. More often than not, such mails tend to be either a lachrymose huddle of words, or collection of cut and dried, inanimate sentences thanking ex-colleagues or, in some cases, even disaffected musings about how one's life outside the organisation would not be the same again! My mails in the past, in similar situations were not very different, I have to admit. In fact, most of the times, such mails are too predictable in their tone and in their contents to elicit a caring read from the intended recipients.

Hence, I have decided not to write a mail to tell you all about my fondness for ******, and my fascination for its environment and people. Instead, let me just say that through my 14+ years of struggle to survive in this unpredictable, demanding but thoroughly enjoyable industry, I have come to understand that life is much bigger than all these. To excel in work, one needs to have passion, demonstrate perseverance, exercise resilience and learn and unlearn things in a frenetic speed. But to be successful in life, one probably needs these and much more, the most important being the ability to look beyond our immediate work environment. A career gives a lot, but demands a lot in return. But, a close relation or a close friend gives a lot too, but not necessarily demand a lot in return, if anything. We all need to wriggle out of this all-consuming clutch of a race in professional life - a race which has a beginning but no seeming end - and being to look at life in its entirety. That is where the best of the human attributes like love, affection,kindness and friendship, flourish. They define the completeness of us as human beings.

Therefore, I would end this the mail with a honest request to you all (as well as myself) to begin to segregate between work and life, to look beyond the fantasy land that an IT job creates, to begin to appreciate precious softer sides of life that spring forth around us everyday, to reach out to family and friends for whom we usually keep the bottom-most of the ToDo list, aside."

Doesn't that make you stop and think about what you've been doing all this while??

When, I read this mail, I simply stopped working. I couldn't write a single line of code. As I sat back and wondered, I realised how much I have been running after my career or rather what I believe I'm qualified enough to do. I'm losing out on the personal front so much. I'm losing touch with most of my friends. Where is this going to take me? A deep lying thought probably planted by my idol years ago, again shook itself out of its slumber and made me look around and question my motives for working and what is it I am paying in kind with to get that cash?? And I go back to a favourite line of mine:

"Never be so busy, that cannot stop by and smell the flowers!!"

Work, but as a free man/woman not as a slave!!! Enjoy life..... you gotta play at times too... be impulsive.... be yourself!!!! :)

Gotta be 18!!

Well, now all of you in tune with the latest news would have come across this debate that's going on regarding bringing down the marriageable age for boys from 21 to 18. Now, this actualy brings me to one of my questions. No answers found till date to be honest, but then I still have that question. Ready for it??

An Indian is deemed to be an adult at the age of 18 means, you can vote, you can drive, you can enter the pubs. Does it mean anything else to youngsters?? People who are about to step out of their teens and are not really worldly wise being given the license to marry?? Marriage is not a joke. It takes a lot for an individual to make a relationship click. And marriage is the most important one you'd have had since you started walking (parents happened when you were born, right?? :)) So now, does one really think that at 18, one is mature enough to marry another person and then settle down to a life with him/her?? Someone who hasn't had an iota of idea of being an adult is being allowed to marry, why?? Law Commission has put forth this recommendation... wonder why not the other way around?? I mean given the way girls do get packed off in India, I personally am of the opinion that the marriagable age for girls should be 21 or above. Likewise for guys. That way, one might ensure that the girl does get to complete graduation and opens her up to the world outside and helps her mature as an adult. And the guys too would get the time to grow up.

Now, another recommendation by the Law Commission is to raise the age for consentual sex for girls to 16 from 15 (I wonder what it is for boys??). My question is the does the general psychology of a 16 year old allows him/her to handle the emotional aspect of a sexual intercourse?? I doubt!! And given the nature of sex-education in India, I personally don't approve of this. but then, what to do for the curious teenage mind?? There are enough material out there to tell them about the basics of the show and chances are they'd be interested in trying it out. So, if we raise the age bar too much, loads would be breaking the law, if we make it too low we might encounter teens making out quite often. May be 16 balances it out, but then sexual awareness should also be spread and in a BIG way at that, then and only then one can ensure that the teens are at least responsible when engaging in the act.

I hope my rambling was sensible enough. Check out IBN Live :
Sex at 16, marry at 18: Big Indian adulthood debate

Do let me know, what you think!!! Be honest and frank....

A desire to fly...........

Not too many years ago, a little boy was running through the streets of his housing complex, screaming with delight. The cool evening breeze of Rajasthan brushing his face, he's out to have fun. He stumbles onto the lawn and lies down panting as his friends collapse one by one around him. They have been sprinting for a while now. He really loved to play. But, what he really wanted to be was an IAF officer. That was his dream. Everyday as he'd stare into the light blue sky, read about the freedom fights and the brave Rajputs, he cannot help but curse his age, why was he so young??

Times change, a year since then he got an eye infection. That changed his life, his ambition or rather loss of it. He now had glasses. His dream of flying the skies lay dashed to bits. At an age where other kids had started to spread their wings, he became listless. He no longer had any desire to grow up. What's the point?? He will never don a uniform for his nation. He drifted from one activity to another trying to figure out what is that could quieten his inner turmoil. Fine arts, cricket, lawn tennis.. they all had their fair chance. He was promising enough on all counts, yet became "Jack of all trades, master of none". The importance of education or rather good scores where impressed onto his mind by many around him. Things were not so simple. He started to hate the entire concept of studying. His grades dropped!!

The kid has gradually changed gears and started on the turbulent teens. Unable to understand what's happening to him, he started to read. And that became his obsession. Life sort of missed him by, his talents took a backseat as the boy, turned into a bookworm. His world was spun with nothing but words. Was he discovering his vocation then? Who knows?? And then he decided he wanted to be a doctor. Try as he might, he didn't get through to a good college. A childhood apathy towards the art of mugging and the Indian education in general had developed a mental block withing him. Ask him to study, he'll fall asleep faster than you can write your name. But then, he made to engineering colleges. He never studied for their exams. How did he clear them? He was bewildered. Perplexed, he followed advice and became an engineer. He still read but no longer wrote.

He graduated, got himself a job and moved into a different city. On his own, he eked out his living. Life was flowing smoothly, and then the bane of youth, a fluttering heart, took him to the doorsteps of a lady he had never set his eyes upon. As initial banters turned into something serious, he stopped drifting. He started to focus. But then, is he not again dreaming to be a pilot.... of his own life now?? Will again, they be thwarted by circumstances?? Or will he succeed??

He seeks control of his life, where he can make decisions on his own, without a care on who thinks high or low about it? But then, he no longer enjoys what he was qualified to do. A white-collared labour of the Indian IT regime, he had little faith in his himself now. He is driven by in his emotions, he has realised it but then can his emotions guide him now? It's treacherous out there, one false move his career plummet to the greatest of lows. And then he has a target to meet, a year to establish himself. But he also has to change track. Where should he move to? How does he get the break??

As thoughts like that chase each other around his head, he walk out into the open and savours the cold winter breeze after a long time!!

That my dear friends is how-story of an average Indian IT programmer goes like when they are a couple of years into the industry. The picture really is not rosy!! But then, dashed hopes, crushed dreams and yet the desire to fly is what makes one succeed I think!!

Oh!! whatever........

I got this in the mail today morning at work sent by a colleague of mine. Take a look....

"The woods were lovely dark and deep. Walking slowly beside her, in the damp mud road, was her husband whom she barely knew. He was very relaxed, happily watching a group of kids playing at a distance.Her "mehandi" was still dark and smelling fresh, reminding of the excitements and tension 2 days back. "It cant work this way mom...please stop this", she kept telling her mother till the last moment, who wouldn't listen but carry on with beautifying her. She had been crying all night and her make-up had to be patched up twice or thrice to hide her awkwardly swollen face.

It was too late now. She had to get married "NOW" to the guy...The guy whom she had seen once and talked thrice. The guy about whom she knew nothing at all but for his name and work. Everything happened in a hurry and everything was over before she could breathe again... here was she with this guy, all alone in this hill station... how can anybody send their daughter such a long distance with a stranger???

"Hey look at that....!!!" he shouted in excitement... she shrugged and looked where his finger pointed... Bright colored balloons dotted the sky. Children were jumping in joy and he seemed to be completely absorbed into it...colors are always exciting...but not now. She was not with her friends, not with her team mates, not even with her parents. This was not a 3 day tour or team building trip. This was her life and she has been forced to start off with this person.Loneliness and discomfort with this stranger was sickening...She looked at him in wonder... does he even realize that he has married me? Does he understand that he has to love me, protect me, care for me, a new girl, a stranger, all his life?

The marriage morning started like a daylight nightmare for her. The first time in life she felt she should have fallen in love and then married somebody. some man who she would have felt more comfortable with, someone whom she could call by name and introduce to friends,someone whom she could trust. But marriage morning was obviously not the time to think all these. Her parents would never have said "no" if she had declared that she was in love. But she was not emotionally attached to anybody she met, especially guys. She was very friendly, playing, teasing, but never had second thought for any man around her. That brought the entire responsibility of looking for a groom on her parents' shoulders. Her parents had had a very bad time with this entire process. They started their groom search with unending "&" operation. The concatenation of "Horoscope matching" & "Decent family" & "Good looking" & "Good pay" & "same cast" & so on... that always gave 0 output. Now after all that 8 months hunt, they were not ready to hear her "ifs" and "buts" for this 'good guy'. She had explained to her father. She does not feel anything for this person. He is nothing more to me than any other software professional. Like list of names she sees in the chat rooms. Distant and usual...Her father asked her to talk to him and even meet him and discuss their likes and dislikes. That meeting started like the induction programme self introduction and ended like a 3 hour seminar.She was waiting to get away from that place. "So did you talk with him?". "yes". "was he polite and decent". "yes". "Oh he got that special flavoured tri-color ice cream...!!!".OK. All her family and relatives discussed...She was given the chance to "understand her life partner" and that they have understood each other "well" and she is ready for the marriage now. All arrangements geared up and it was 24 days after her first meeting that she was getting married to her man... perfect match as everybody else described. Marriage hall was full with excited people, kids got the chance to play, ladies got the chance to wear the silk saree. The smell of rose and jasmine filled the hall. Different poses for the photographer and artificial smiles for the videos. The moment he had tied the sacred thread was unexplainable vacuum in the head. It was over.She was his wife. Accepted by the society and law. Her proud parents were relaxed. This was their duty they had been planning to fulfill since she was born. All this crowd will fade away, leaving her to explore her new world...

He pulled her hand gently to sit on the stone bench. The bench was wet and the chillness was indeed enjoyable. "So what are you thinking about?"... that was an unexpected ball. should she reply? should she be silent? She remembered the two hour presentation she had taken last month. Bold and confident, she kept answering all the queries with a broad smile. Now she remained silent. "Do you know honey... I was not for this marriage too..." Oh my God... what did i hear??? did HE tell that or did i think aloud? what does he mean? didn't he like me? was he forced into this? He must have noticed the quizzical look on my face...with a gentle smile he continued..."I wanted to look for a girl myself, buy her everything, care for her, argue with her, laugh and cry with her, then get married to her... Anything otherwise would be a drama. Traditional drama and i was not for it anytime. But my love for my work and also my stress would not give me time and mind to search that girl...When your parents talked to me 2 weeks before our marriage, about your fear of getting married, to a stranger, i could completely understand your mind. I could see myself in you and that was the moment i decided i will marry you. There was no time to prove myself to you, make you trust me, everything happened in a hurry. But there was the entire life before me, to please you, to love you, to make you trust me. This is no less than what i had dreamt, the girl i was waiting for, is you. Now tell me... will you love me???" Tears came down her cheek. Her parents had done more than their duty. They had found her the perfect guy. Thank you Mom!!! Thank you Dad!!! His question remained unanswered yet both knew the answer...."

Now, after going through this, though things seemed to be filled with promises, I still had a question on my mind. What if this is nothing but a flight of fantasy? And thus started a conversation, which meandered into the various aspects of love-marriage vis-a-vis arranged marriage. I won't list them out for anyone, because enough has already been said. What I can say is that, I'm sticking to my guns and going ahead with my choice.. should things fall apart (god forbid!!) then may be mom-dad can help me out.....

Anywyz, besides all that, this weekend was a hectic one. I mean more hectic than my 40+ hrs of work in the week!! Now, before you start making any wild guesses, let me be clear I was shifting into a new and better (quite obvious I must say) flat. So, there we were, that would be me and Neal, on Saturday morning packing our stuff, rushing off to make sure that the deal is still on, and finally moving out at 7:00 pm. Now that was the first trip, and then there was a second one. So there it was two bachelors loaded with stuff as if both were married men, travelling in the back of a cargo jeep, soiled throughout the day's work. If was quite an effort. let me five you a list of the stuff we had:

1. TV,

2. Cooler,

3. TV trolley,

4. A 5.1 sound system of 2000 watts (or was there another zero I don't really remember!!)

5. 2 beds, 2 double mattress, 2 single mattress

6. About 12 bagful of clothes.

7. A 30kg capacity bag (the kind our aunties fill up completely when coming to India, god bless them.. i love the chocolate box in there :P), full of books,

8. A lots of smaller stuff, which proved to more than we thought we had.

9. I almost forgot, the entire kitchen stuff, that comprised about 2 huge cardboard cartons (say the one in which you got your 21" television)

So that my friends is the belongings of two bachelors. Our landlady threw a fit on seeing our stuff and seemed to be very suspicious that we two were not the only ones staying there (what a shame!!! she questioned my integrity... Do i get to do a Ponting here?? :P) Anywyz, we were tired and dirty... and so dropped off the weary souls. In between I made sure that my lady was kept abreast of all the action out here....

And so turns up Sunday, I still wonder how, I managed to look at the wristwatch striking 8:45 and mistook it for 12:00 pm. That shook off my sleep, it was Isha who corrected me there... and well.. I felt downright sheepish!!! Jeez.... Anywyz, up and about we both got down to some hard work, and set about decorating the flat... Its over now, phew!!!! But then I have taken my call... should I've to take up a flat on rent again, it's gotta be furnished!!!

Anywyz, enough updates on my part. let's hear it from you...

Oh in case, the ones who know are wondering about her, well she spent the weekend at work!!! I hate such work routines!!!

Hey that's mine!!!!!

Hmmm...... Well.... The reason for such a weird title would be explained in the next few lines so don't raise an eyebrow.

Copyright or creative rights to something which you've created painstakingly or through a moment of brilliance is of absolute necessity. Oft, we post on this world wide web, work or write up which are entirely our own. How would you feel if someone ripped it off you and passed it off as his/her own?? Totally miffed... umm... livid?? Well, I for one would be ready to rip that person's head off!!

Now, this is exactly the tragedy faced by a fellow blogger Cuckoo. Please read her latest post : Copyright ? Plagiarism ? What is that ?

One such plagiarised poem is this one: Bas Aur nahi.

Now, posted in May, in comes Mr. smarty pants Nishant Paul with this one: Bas Aur nahi.

Read compare and then let me know what you think.

This is simply outrageous!!!!!

Oh, btw, in response to Cuckoo's poem bas aur nahi... I had a reply too.. and now going through it again I realised, it really is good.. :D... so publishing it here for your read... do go through it...

filhaal rehne do un mulakato ab,

ke dil ke zakhm aaj bhi na bhare hai,

roz aankhen band to hoti hai ab,

par neend ke kadam unme nahi bhatakte hai,

parchhai se kyu na jaane darte hai ab,

khauff to shaayad ab zindagi se bhi hai......

kuch waqt ke saaye mein rehne do....

rehne do un mulaqato ko ab.... filhaal!!

Translation:

The meetings.. let them be for now,

For the wounds of the heart are yet to heal....

The eyes do close e'ry night,

But sleep seldom does wander in there,

Even the shadows give a scare now,

When fear becomes of Life too...

Now let me heal in the shadows of time...

Please, let the meetings be... for time being!!!

The no. is 6724

Now in case if you are wondering, what the number is about.... well.. that was my bib number when I ran for AIDS Charity at the Pune International Marathon.

2nd Dec, a rather cold morning I groggily woke up at 6:00 am after a night of partying to gear myself for the marathon. Had registered myself for the run the moment we had recieved word about it at work. Full of gusto, I woke up one of my colleagues who was in a rather inebriated state to back home last night. Called up a few others and we met Yerwada. From there on it was a chilly ride to Jangli Maharaj Road. The gathering point for us was in front of the MacDonald's there. So there we were, the entire team all ready to start off.... 8:30 am.... we start....

After jogging for a little more than 500 mts, I realised that I need to walk...simply cannot run the entire 4.5 kms... and so started a saga of walk and run.... and that's how we all reached the finishing line. Nothing much to write here really, except may be the cause.

The point is to show solidarity towards AIDS victim, to display a willingness to help them, to raise funds for their treatment and most important of all to make sure people know how to keep such stuff in check.

What is AIDS??

AIDS - Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome, is caused by the HIV (Human Immuno Virus). The virus attacks no particular part of the body rather the it attacks the Immune System, breaking it down and leaving the patient susceptible to any disease. You may be HIV +ve, but that doesn't mean you have AIDS. It means you are prone to AIDS now.

A few facts about AIDS:

1. It doesn't spread by touching. So don't treat AIDS victims as outcasts.
2. It can spread even through a spuriated syringe or blade... anything that can come in contact with the blood. So, keep a check on that.
3. It can happen to anyone. So, be alert.... just the way you need to wear warm clothings in winter so not to leave yourself susceptible to the effects of winter...

There are loads but offhand that's all I can say.

How it spreads?

1. Through spuriated objects, like a needle at the chemists, or the blade at the barber's.
2. During pregnancy... from mom to child.
3. Unprotected/irresponsible sexual intercourse.

How to control it?

1. Please ensure the hygiene factor of any object like needle or blades which could have been used by someone else and thus be spuriated by their blood.
2. Guys USE condoms. Whether you agree or not, but that's how most sexually transmitted diseases can be prevented. Not to mention it keeps unwanted pregnancy at bay and helps in family planning. Contraceptive pills or morning after pills are not the solution for they are known to have certain side effects on the lady in the long run. Btw, even they have expiration dates so please take care to ensure the quality before you use one.
3. Be responsible towards your partner. Stay true and honest..... this helps in taking precautions as deemed fit.
   

Stay safe... stay happy... stay healthy...

Please do check out the following links and share your knowledge:

1. AIDS on wiki.
2. Hopkins-HIV Guide.
3. International AIDS Society

For more information about the marathon check out their official website: Pune International Marathon

And now some pics from Sunday:

Before starting........

At starting point.......

At the finishing line........

Like some other person!!

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Came across this quote a few days back, and it somehow got me thinking. How often is it that just to be acceptable we end up changing things about us? You know, just so that you would be part of the in crowd.... a tendency predominantly found among adolescents and young college-goers. But then come to think of it isn't it what everyone is? I mean, if I'm to look back at myself say 7 years ago, then I'd say I've changed. Now, change is constant can't deny that one. But when does the change make us turn into someone else and drive further away from who we really are. I'm a bit fuzzy on this on and would like your inputs regarding it.

So, tell me what do you think, when does change for the sake of change or for some superficial need take place? How does it affect the personality?